~thoughts on chasing luck~

much excitement... audition for a community theatre play in about a week. miss theatre soooo much. nervous as hell to audition. but exciiiiiited as shit to prepare!

so i had a reeeeeally awesome birthday. and i basically spent it with only my best friend because nobody else could be bothered. there was food, drinking, retro dancing (with zombies who came into the club after toronto's zombie walk... SO awesome of them, with their amazingly well-rehearsed "how to dance like zombie" dances)...

and then seeing dirty dancing on stage at the royal alexandra theatre. ohhhhh my!

soooo yeah. first update in 21 weeks or something, and thank god i have good news.

i'm excited b/c i'll be able to dress up for hallowe'en for my work shift ---yay! which means i'll be a helluva lot more inclined to go dancing in a club after my shift since i'll already be all costumed up ---extra yay!

also, i kinnnnda think i'm a wittol bit in love with someone right now. it's fun. but i can't let them knowwww... not -yet-.

basically, birthdays are fun b/c it gives one a great excuse to wear fake eyelashes and doll one's self up! haha!

1. I am glad I do not live with my best friend. She's a little more critical (while simultaneously ignorant) of things than I'd like, and a bit too helpless for me. I can't be a mom. And I can't be so patient all of the time. Lastly, I can only handle soooo much un-necessary paranoia!

2. That e-mail was so very creep-tastic. I dunno what to make of it. Should I say so, all with-humour and stuff, in a reply? Or ignore?

3. It is soooooooo wonderfully nice to be home again so that I can snuggle my dog. Gawd, I've missed that!!!

4. Sister is away to Tijuana for the week... it's nice to have her gone!

I have Ugly Betty hair/bangs... no joke. Am frightened. Need to be held. However, the hair DOES seem promising for up-do's. Practised ponytails, french twists and pigtails today with great success... very cute. But, like how a 4 year old is cute, just with more makeup, and REALLY red hair...

From very careful angles (& close up), maybe it's not SO scarie. Just mostly from further back.


And I'm eating a small cinnamon roll, but it tastes like there's DILL in it... what the crap?

*snickers* Carolyn's watching a dog show and keeps laughing at the announcers... "The crowd LOVE this young bitch!"

Also, I got a very encouraging e-mail from one of my prof's. Am still skrewed for other classes.

Oooh, it's not just me! Carolyn's noticed the dill, too!

Hopefully I'll get some work done tonight for the classes. And then SKREW IT, I'm going to Sarah's for many more than 24 hours for FUN.

Jeck is thinking of having a "Broken Arm" party on the 1 year anniversary of ...breaking her arm severely.

Lastly, I need to go to the doctor. Not only for what has (I think) become a sinus infection... but also to help fix me again so that I'm not so mentally whacked and can function in life/school properly.

As a big P.S. ---I have an obsession with Infrared Photography (not just b&w prints, the the more colourful one's, too) ...these pics aren't MINE, but I love them... (I've shrunken them in photobucket to make them fit, the SAME WAY I shrunk -my- picture to fit properly, but some of these pics just aren't listening... excuse the rotten-ness of their self-cropped, ultra-magnified glory...)

My current desktop:










.andrea!

This is just one of those rotten ends to a rotten day, and I feel so sad and bored and alone.

Stupid, stupid STUPID day... I would kill for a hug.

So I've been majorly ill lately. With 2 assignments due this week. Neither are done. HOWEVER, I am saved!

Wednesday, class was cancelled due to the snowstorm. My assignment would've been deducted -5%/day. And I didn't have it done Thurdsday (what I assumed to be the new due date) so I expected that I'd lose 5% if I handed it in today. HOWEVER, the prof e-mailed us to say that due to the storm and such, he's changed the due-date to TODAY, 4pm. Weee! Now hopefully I can call someone on campus and have them hand it in for me, so that I don't lose all that time travelling (I'm so unwell! It hurts), and have that much more time to work on it.

And my Thursday paper... well, I remembered that the prof gives us ONE grace period of UP TO 3 days in the term... SOoooooooooo using that!

So this week is reading week. I have a philosophy paper to start. Hair colour on Wednesday (I'm still doing the bright red, but part of me is curious as to my other options because I've been attracted to light hair as of late. Could some strawberry blonde be in the works sometime in the future??? Maybe??? I want to know!).

Hopefully my "Shoot 'Em Up" Blu-Ray will be exchanged for a DVD so that I can watch it with Jeck & Christine @ their place back-to-back with "Smokin' Aces."

And then Wed-Thur, I'll be @ Sarah 'n Ashley's, spending V-day with them & Sarah's Bruce... hopefully to make him watch "Shoot 'Em Up" too. Sarah & I will make brownies. Maybe I'll bring some flowers.

I really want it to be a cute home-made kinda time, pretty music (I'll be SO in the mood for 1930's-1950's mushy love songs) and good food (Oooh, what to eat?! I think we should have spaghetti with meatballs, like in Lady And The Tramp), fun chatter and an extremely un-romantic but lovely movie... hehe!

Guess that's all for now...

I'm having "Adult moments" --hating my 18 year old sister for being the obnoxious crazy teen she is (well, she could manage a simple phone call when she's out past 1:30 so that we can sleep knowing she's alive and okay!)... and the urge to be responsible again. Scholastically!

Maybe it was because of how stupid I felt on Saturday. When I drank like crazy, drank crazy-fast, and mixed alcohol like (you guessed it!) crazy. And puked up a half dozen times before 11pm and had to be abandoned @ Jeck's place while they went dancing. And then the 2 or so more times I puked Sunday-day, recovering. And how pukie my pants were. And how retarded gin makes me, as if it attacks my moral core before numbing every ounce of the rest of my body in a way no other alcohol known to man can.

It meant that I didn't get to go dancing! AND I REALLY REALLY WANTED TO! And I re-looked at my college plans, and realized I really want to do that so I need to finish classes and finish 'em well! Because if I don't, then... well, I already can't graduate this year (my fourth year) with the 3 year degree b/c I missed the date to apply to graduate. So next fall I need to graduate. If my GPA is super-low, they'll say, "Yea, you took summer classes and such to make up for missed 4-year-degree classes, but you suck so much we're not giving you credit for it... 3 year degree to you!"

Not that it really matters (though, in the long run, it could!), but how pathetic would that be?

And my urge to get a job? Whoa! Where'd that come from!

And all this enthusiasm was born just in time to venture out into the ridiculous bitter cold and insane winds plaguing my area. Because that's not a bubble-popping, kick-'em-while-they're-still-sorta-down kind of downer, not at all!

Haha!

3 weeks since my last one... sloppy, bad!

anyhow, my life is chalk fulla busy. or it should be. i have oodles of schoolwork coming up. buuuuuut more importantly, things to do with friends.

however, i've misplaced my only form of i.d. --passport. it should be in my room somewhere. i vaguely recall dumping it & the contents of a small purse onto my bed. dunno why it was in the purse --i always keep it in my WALLET, and stick my WALLET into purses. so i may not be able to go out with sarah & ashley & rachel & others on friday. and on saturday, i may not be able to go to the green room to celebrate... what was it? lol victor facebooked the event to me as:

The Film Student's Guide to Relationships and Popular Mechanics
tagline: celebrate the love that is Jetty
host: w.p. ralston (???)
description: "Two Lives, Two Hearts
Bound Together in Friendship
United Forever in Love.

It is with jubilant joy that we, Mr. and Mrs. Matty and Jeck Greaves-Kotierk, invite you to share a celebration of our fictitious and binding love."

Let us rejoice to this blessed nuptials."

LOL! if my memory is correct (HAH!), green room won't card me or anyone. it's really such a nice ambiant place. makes me feel like i'm below deck in some weird little pirate ship. or in the patio, it's super strange... like a little fairy island of booze-drinkers. wickedness. but not in winter (the patio, that is)!!! i love how its entrance is completely in the back of an alley (avec chandelier!!!), too. complete with candles-in-beer-bottles, really musty old books of randomness, and the location of my very first white russian. i really wanna go some time not-at-night because it's always so damn busy at night.

to take advantage of an all-day breakfast!!!!!!! ONLY cuz i don't do big formal breakfasts. make it a lunchfastfest... aka..................... brunch!

yussss!

so tonight i'm watching howard hughes' Scarface, and supposedly there will be pizza for dinner. ...nearly makes me giddy!

OH! annnnd my sister replaced our hairdryer (it croaked) and straightener (it was lousy)... so pleased with the new shit. straightener worked amazingly, i can't believe it's MY hair being all silky super-straight. ridiculous. RIDICULOUS! love, big love.

I got lucky! A free dye & style session. My hairdresser wanted to practice some hair curling techniques on me because she's going to be going into a hairstyling competition (on Slice!) so she's like, "It's on me!"

Weeee!

So fun, too!

http://i10.photobucket.com/albums/a123/chasing_Lux/PC270078.jpg
http://i10.photobucket.com/albums/a123/chasing_Lux/PC270084.jpg http://i10.photobucket.com/albums/a123/chasing_Lux/PC270067.jpg http://i10.photobucket.com/albums/a123/chasing_Lux/PC270087.jpg http://i10.photobucket.com/albums/a123/chasing_Lux/PC270097.jpg

I just about baked my butt off today! 2 batches of shortbread cookies (from scratch), and the big accomplishment: an actual cake made from SCRATCH with icing made from scratch, and then some decorations. It's not so huge a deal, except for all the sifting... I only have this tiny, really old thing that hardly lets any materials through and it took forever to sift. And evidently, everything had to be sifted.

So the cake is dark chocolate, with white (pepper)mint icing. Baked in a 9x13 pan, it came out 9x11. Cooled it. It was like this [--] and then I cut it down the centre into two so it was like this [-|-]. Stacked one on top of the other, held together with icing, and I now have a small tall cake. Quite pleased with it, actually, despite some small problems and concerns. I learned that if you buy those cake decorating icing tubes, you need to not only knead them as per the instructions, but sit them in hot water a bit to moisten the likely very-old icing. The cake came out slightly dodgy with the decorations, so I know what to do to make the one for Christmas Day better.

As well, I'm mildly concerned about the cake itself. It was meant to be a dark chocolate cake but it came out with a texture similar to that of a brownie instead. Also, it did a fair amount of rising in the oven... but then it fell. I dunno why. Ugh.

So tomorrow we test the cake with Grandma, and hopefully she'll have some suggestions on how to improve texture and keep from collapsing. Then on the 24th I need to bake 2 cakes. This cake needs to be bigger, so instead of cutting one in-half to make 1 tall one, I need 2 long cakes stacked atop each other. What a mission.

My cookies are delightful, though. Dunno how the recipe works so good, because so much shortbread I've tried really just... sucks. Either it's the taste or texture... but mine are velvety, hold together well but are light, melt in your mouth, and have exceptional taste.

Sore back... sick of kitchen... guh! Gonna go to bed now.

Oooh, I am excited! It's going to be a long day tomorrow. I have to be up early, go to the mall, shop for dress shoes and get my hair done.

Going to dressy Christmas parties is FUN. I hope I look fabulous. What I'll be doing is wearing a floor length, black velvet, empire-cut, cowl-necked, open-backed dress. The open-back has a crossing of fabric joined in the middle by a sparkly thing.

I need to re-paint my nails. Likely will re-do what I experimented with earlier this week: it's like this cherry magenta red a brushing of silver sparkles on top. It's beautiful. Hopefully I can find my mum's ring that... I think I've... misplaced in the house somewhere... *gasp*

My mom is letting me wear her big intensely black-and-clear jewelled sparkly velvet choker. And I am hoping to get my hair done in something like a 1940's wave. Should be quite elegant with smokey eyes and mom's velvet peacock shawl.

There will be lots of drinking. I even got a box of those yummy chocolate shapes with the liquer inside. And Sarah's bringing MALIBU! I love that.


However, tonight I panic. Essay worth 50% of my mark in a class was due Wednesday. My mom thinks I'm done, so it's hard to work on it when she's around as I should have ZERO schoolwork now as school's done 'till January.

I'm not done the essay right now! Thursday I lost 5% for lateness, as with today. If I can finish it tonight, I will e-mail it with a plea to accept it at 10%-off for lateness. Even if I submitted it tomorrow, nobody is there working to accept the work so they'll stamp-date it as being submitted on MONDAY. That's 25% off!!!
Also, it's a research essay but I don't have much research.

And there's always that chance that he will just say, "Nope, 25% off!"

What I need to do is e-mail it and say, "I will come by on Monday to drop off a hard copy. Do you feel that you need to speak with me about this, because perhaps I can defend my urge to have only 10% taken off" ---see, last year @ this time, I was panic-attacking and failed 2 classes because I was too frightened to confront the teachers for an extension. So I avoided them, and they had to fail me. Now, it's not that bad, but I just get OCD and lose HOURS to nothing. I can't explain it, because it makes no sense to me, but it is NOT voluntary --I do not feel I am in control of stopping myself. I can't HELP myself. It's so lame and pathetic, but I swear my brain is hijacked by other impulses and fears. I should EASILY have had it completed today by 2pm, so that I could get up to York and submit it for 4pm. Ugh.

Maybe if I also tell him I'll go back to my doctor to see if we can figure something out to help me, he'll sympathize. But I think that involves making a plea to the department and paper work... UGH... but obviously, I don't want to fail this class. And to be honest, my work has sucked thus far. I'm likely already at just a C, and this paper needs to be good. It'll likely just BE a C, but then if you take off 25% I'll just DIE. *panic*

Anyway, now that those thoughts are off my chest, I think I can go back to working on my essay. I think I will explain to him that if he needs to talk to me, I would gladly explain my situation to him in person. It's not some lame reason, it's my honest-to-god-EXCUSE. It's just so hard to accept because I feel like I should have so much better control over myself. Ugh.

Wish me luck, please!

At first, I thought I was just depressed. You know, hating myself for ever having come off that medication I was on.

But it was just a direct response to end-of-term school assignment bullcrap. Now that I've had time to let my feelings stew for a bit, I realized that I'm just not cut out for academia.

I am a really intelligent person, and I feel good for having been well educated. I love learning things. But really, I'm just suffering from suppressed artistic urges again. It needs to be focused and allowed to be let out. But I want to do everything and nothing and it's so confusing so I sit here with a wonky look on my face. Music, dance, photography, acting, film, editing, I want it all.

I ---so--- can't wait until I'm out of university. I miss working on film; sound, editing, editing sound, producing, directing, critiquing, cinematography & photography, lighting. Part of me thinks I should've gone into studying production. But no, I realize that those things are hobby-like to me. Good on a small scale, can't do the kind of shit required to make truly great cinema.

So what does it come down to? I've not honed any of my skills particularly (except for makeup). I'm excited to study that.

But what else is it? I REALLY JUST MISS ACTING! Gawd. It took 3 years of drama class to get me to come out of my shell. And since then, I've come a long way as a person. I keep coming back to it, though, and the only thing holding me back from STUDYING it more (I think I need a lot more learning) is a lack of faith in myself. I just think it's too late. It's really not, but so many people have been doing this work since youth.

Still, it can be done. I don't know why I'm so afraid of risks. Even remotely calculated one's. Geeze, gal!

At least I know I've wound up in my field, somehow. It's so funny; the first time I ever heard about 'film school' or 'studying cinema' was from a Sweet Valley University book back in grade 8 or something. But it planted an idea in my head, and it's come a whole long way.

I still resent that I wasn't allowed to explore my artistic side more as a kid because it's an obvious hinderance now in my future and in my self confidence. It came up in discussion with my mom the other day. I forget why... but it started with talk of dance. She said we didn't want to or something, and I said "No hold up! Every year we'd get those pamphlets for dance schools and you wouldn't let me! EVERY YEAR! I thought we were just too poor, and that's why you kept saying it would be a waste of time." --I got FORCED into piano, FORCED into gymnastics, FORCED into Brownies/Girl Guides. Yes, I was allowed to swim. I was COERCED into ice skating.

My mom says I'm just spoiled. But had she stopped forcing me into things, she could've invested that money into Andrea-the-girl-who-loved-to-draw, Andrea-the-girl-who-wanted-to-play-another-instrument, Andrea-the-girl-who-enjoys-drama.

Whereas Carolyn was (ontop of everything I was forced into), FORCED into swimming (she loved water but had no attention span for the instructors), ALLOWED to play soccer, ALLOWED to take drawing classes (because, according to my mom, "She has TALENT!" ---it's kinda easy for a kid to immitate the Anime drawing style and make her family portraits all look like a bunch of Sailor Moon characters; I know this b/c there's always a few of my mom's grade 2's who do it, and it's just immitation not genuine attempt at doing anything by one's self, and that's okay too but small children aren't Picasso's! It's an example of good dexterity and a desire to learn and perfect, but is in NO WAY an artistic statement).

Mom doesn't know what art is. Not the way I do. The attention I payed to DETAIL, had it been graced with an instructor, could've come a long way. It was DECIDED that I would be an academic. It was decided despite the depression I experienced through my entire youth.

And even now, she grimaces when I tell her I'm doing a 3 year BA in 4 years. Because a "good" student should be able to do it in the proper time allotted. "Oh no, not JUST a 3-year BA... and in 4 years? Disgraceful! Go for the 4 year one!" And she judges all my cousins the same way; she puts Tom down and flips out when I try to defend him. She's sucha bitch.

And she feels like a 'failure' because I don't want children. What the fuck? She's even racist; I was talking to her about issues brought up regarding Natives and minorities and such in Canada, and she basically defended the Head Tax on the Chinese. As well, she agreed with the candidates during the Republican Debate that gays & lesbians ought not be allowed to serve in the Army. When I said, "That assumes a whole lot onto the gay/lesbian population that is just predjudice and homophobia because it presumes they'll all be super-horny and stalking their fellow people, that they're not professional enough, that they're 2nd class citizens etc., and if soemone said 'no' to any other group, you'd say it's wrong" and she had no answer. YET she discusses the racism the Ukrainians experienced 100-50 years ago at the hands of British-white's. Because her grandmother experienced it. Well, that's all very nice. But come on! Honestly. I need out.


So yeah, I think I feel like taking my life back. And it's gonna start once I've graduated from York. Don't know how just yet (studying makeup artistry is one). But yeah, I think that involves finishing this essay... eek... I should really do that, but I am just gonna likely keep putting it off a while longer. Damn. Bad me. I am just NOT cut out for this.

I'm so hyper, happy, energetic, vivacious, full of joy... I love when my moods zoom up like this.

1st: I really love my hair; it's faded to a nice 'darkness' because it was too bright at the start. Going today for a root touch-up, and a light wash of colour throughout because the tone's kinda faded in some of the length.


2nd: I have a job interview for some restaurant positions! Applied online, then got a nice e-mail from the restaurant manager. He requested that I pop in any time for an interview, and to fill out an application. This location isn't even OPEN yet. So it got me all nervous; I don't really have a lot of experience with these jobs. And what do I wear?! AND WHAT ABOUT MY HAIR!? AHHH! Literally, I was thinking this at 1am this morning.

3rd: So I wake up to an awesome horoscope. Check it out (courtesy of TheStar.com)

"Libra (Sept. 23 — Oct. 23)

Regardless of how you dress this week, you are likely to draw a lot of attention. Some want you for your hard work and kind heart, and there are those who like your glamorously elusive je ne sais quoi."

4th: I actually find that I exhibit those exact qualities (including, lol, the 'glamerously elusive je ne sais quoi') when I'm most myself/'in my element'
---so I hope to channel that part of me on the day of the interview, because I blew the last one with random shyness and a general inability to communicate. But I feel pumped for this one, and that was even before the horoscope. SOOOO nifty.

5th: My sister made me like the new Britney album, and so... I'm waking up to it, dancing in my chair. Good time.

6th: I had 2 lovely days with Jeck and others. We: saw movies, ate chocolate, baked and ate brownies, had many yummy drinks, watched funny YouTube videos, danced danced danced danced danced!!!, listened to awesome music, giggled madly, and generally had 2 days of ossumnessX10. It's been a big pick-me-up.

7th: I found out that using the transluscent/colourless setting powder used for setting my Harley makeup over my foundation instead of my coloured powder yields amazing results; a more transluscent, natural, fairer skin. It's so neat looking. Because I wear my foundation heavy due to ruddy skin, and when I set with coloured powder the effect is a bit heavy and dark. With the setting powder, it looks like I'm not really wearing makeup. It's so awesome. My skin is like "moon glow" when I do that, and 'moon glow'... c'mon... it's cool!

Well Hallowe'en was a miracle. In the sense that I managed to actually finish my costume. No pics, sorry. I may dress up again JUST for pics because a lotta people have been asking. Being Harley Quinn was FUN, though, even though my sinuses were way too throbbing & jammed up for me to even consider being in-character. Got many compliments. I kicked the other Harley's BUTT just by looking at her @ the club that night. She generally... sucked... HAHA!

There were some REALLY NEAT costumes there, though! Not as good as last year, however.

I'm an insomniac right now. This whole week's been fucked.

And I'm going to the doctor because I realize that when I drink (even one drink), my body relaxes a LOT. By that, I mean that if I exhale, I won't breathe for the longest time & not even notice it. Then my heart starts palpitating. Scares me! Also, I've been sick going on 3 weeks now and I want it to end.

So now it is November, a.k.a.: serioustime. Needta haul ass to find job. Needta haul ass to do essays. Needta haul ass to the doctor.

So far, I've found a number of listings for jobs involving being a hostess for a restaurant/lounge or spa. I'm very good at hostessing. It would be nice. So I'll give that a shot first, then maybe if that doesn't work out I'll figure out about waitressing. If that doesn't work out... well... there ARE other jobs out there. Ugh. Point is, I want to be employed by the end of November.

Right now my parents are having huge problems with the renovation company who did our kitchen. They promised us compensation because of many problems with the kitchen, & general deplorable customer service & communication skills that RESULTED in these avoidable problems happening. And the OWNER of the company BITCHED at us, lied to my face, came to my house under false pretenses (to figure out how to resolve the issue, but he came with already set not to budge with a letter demanding more money from us). We currently owe a grand. That's ONLY one 35th of the entire project's cost. And considering this has been going on for like 5 months instead of 15 days, and all of the problems and the promises for compensation because of really major things, HE'S hassling us? Kept saying, "That's minor; we don't compensate for that... That's just maintenance, that can be done anytime & can take up to 5 years to get someone around to do" and my mom said, "With all due respect, do you think I have a reason to trust that if I pay you guys off that I'll EVER hear from you again if I have a problem with this kitchen?" & he went bonkers. Kept trying to blame us for his worker's inadequacies and design flaws. Cuntbag to the max!!! But we're fighting it. I'm also sick of being lied to by so-called professionals. To my face, even! And he's the owner of the company? Fucking unprofessional bastard. We have been so kind and SO PATIENT.

Well its 1pm and I'm bored. I should be cleaning the house. Nerrrrrr. Maybe I'll take a shower first. YAH!

I had an amazing time at Kim & Adam's wedding this past weekend. It was an amazing drive --it was night, so the glowing lines on the road were hypnotic. And I would open my window and get a blast of icy air in the face, but also get a view of the clearest and STARRIEST sky I've ever SEEN! Absolutely magnificent.

Upon arrival in Eganville, we realized our motel was super sketchy. But mom was the only one freaking about that. Our room itself was just musty. So that worked out. This was Friday night.

Saturday, we drive into Cobden for the wedding. Kim was a beautiful bride (being a bride just makes women glow, it seems). She got choked up listening to Adam say his vows. Adam's eyes glistened as Kim said hers, and the both of them seem so perfectly suited to each other. Lovely! All the bouquets were fall-themed, which was something I'd never seen done before. No roses, but there was wheat.

The reception was wild. All of these random people popped over for a party (small country towns are so fun with these things). We performed a Hungarian tradition with Kim on the dance floor. It involves wrapping her head in a traditional scarf. Then people line up with money to donate towards the couples' honeymoon, they get a shot of whisky or sherry, and they get to have a quick spin on the floor with the bride. So I got to dance with her (and I'm sooo oh-very-bad at dancing so we laughed as a fucking quick polka song comes on right as I'm telling her this). It's been nice to get close with Kim again. She got all holier-than-thou in her early adulthood and basically wouldn't give me a second of her time. But now? I think I'm one of her fav cousins (THE fav, atleast, on her mom's side). Gave her big kisses on her cheeks. It was a good time.

Slept like a log that night. I had been developing a bad cold since... Saturday in the middle of the night. I woke up because the heater was melting us, so I turned it down 'n opened some windows. But my throat was paining me and there was that taste in my mouth that just screams, "You're SICK."

Sunday I felt much better. We had a huge breakfast in Eganville. Then we drove home, only we stopped off at Kim & Adam's place. They've got a lovely farm. I found out Adam's quite the hunter! He's got 3 deer-heads mounted in their living-room. And there's a good 2 more in the house, and 1 at the taxidermist. So we talked about that, he pulled out 2 albums of pics to show me, and I'm hoping to invite myself along (if there's enough room for me) the next time they go! He seemed amused that I was so interested.

So the drive home was long. I expected to be wide awake. I was, until my iPod FROZE 20 minutes into the 5 hour drive. I whined a while about that, then finally settled to sleep for 90% of the ride. The other 10%, my sister 'n I were fighting like crazy. Stupid bitch. Grawr. Then again, I wasn't so good myself hehe.

Guess I did something to my neck, sleeping in the car the way I was, because today I can hardly move my neck. Ick.

And I'm Ushering at the Gemini Awards today through Wednesday. So I hope that goes away. I have a big assignment to do for Thursday night. I think that's part of why my neck is doing this: stress. I need to not subconsciously stress about every little thing.

ALSO: Found out Kim is pregnant. Due next end-of-May/beginning-of-June or something.

Anyway, gonna finish my tea, take a long hot shower and hopefully work out the kinks in my neck, call Erika to figure out where to meet for tonight, hopefully get some readings done & then voila! GEMINI'S! :D

Warning: if anyone actually reads this, it's ridiculously long and pathetic and gushy sooo yeah. yer warned

i'm so glad yesterday is over. today was 1000000000000000000x better.

however, i'm freaking out all over the internet about my hair. wanted something in the dark-blonde range, only red. when i say that, do you think natural red? my hairdresser heard CHILI. it was this big ordeal: lifting the colour, dying it 3 different ways with the chili red (roots: deposit only, the rest of the hair with some lightening properties to match it to my roots), and then once again with a darker, pinker shade to darken the roots and bring proper tone and colour to the rest of the hair. It's VERY well-done... it's just so different than what I expected. Only in one or two spots do you kinda notice outta the corner of your eye that there's a hitch of a dark line across my hair.

*phew* actually, my mom just walked in and demanded I show her my hair. all my anxiety is gone; she didn't flip out (mostly because I made it sound like I was so sad and scared about her seeing it). on the inside, she's likely freaking. She called it my definite-halloween hair.

NOW I can enjoy my hair. In an odd way it kinda suits me; with soft makeup it's quite pretty. With darker makeup, I imagine it being the epitome of badassedness. Shall I mention how many passers-by gave me happy stares? The cyclists killed me! it's like, WATCH THE ROAD! Although that might've just been "whoa, her hair's fucking BRIGHT" looks. There WERE "i wanna lick your hair" faces. My hairdresser predicted someone would walk up to me and tell me they loved it; not quite exactly. It was rainy, I was shy... but it -could- have happened. haha.

oh yes!

And carolyn has a concussion! darn that rascally RUGBY. poor darling.

and I didn't seduce my piercer. He's so fucking cute, though. GoD DAmn. I've NEVER liked a blonde man in my LIFE & usually don't like the beard look, and he's just a smidge taller than me which is fine by me (I have a preference for taller guys, but even a smidge makes me happy). And even his name: Bryant. Usually I'm not for anything "Bryan..." (way to sound superficial, andrea, way to sound superficial...)

But hiiiiiiim! *drools* He's got a beautiful face. I was drooling over his facial piercings without meaning to; he probably thinks I'm a rude fucker. I think I was rude, but I honestly didn't notice I was staring until I left and realized how much of his nose was in my immediate memory. (Plus I was feeling shy so there was a sad lack of eyecontact. It's so nice to look into his soft blue eyes.) It's so neat, his piercings. All symmetrical. His ears, nose with the nicely sized plugs, lips... and it goes with the pair of wings tattooed on the front of his neck. So symmetrical. Plus he has such soft eyes, a perky demeaner with a great sense of humour, a smile that makes ME smile and feel warm and fuzzy, very sweet and extremely polite and dripping of kindness (with just the faintest hint of a strong assertiveness, which drives me wild. I love it when he lectures me because he always throws in a few domineering "DO THIS OR ELSE"-type comments --but far more eloquently-- for piercing after-care, and I don't know why but it drives me just WILD; maybe coz he's so sweet and usually I find that too humbling since I swear like a sailor, & since I tend to like stronger/tougher characters. But he's got it in him, yet he's sweet and AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW! And it makes me think he cares [but I know bad aftercare is just a peeve with him, because he's seen people abuse piercings so much. he feels bad for me; i take GOOD CARE but am just prone to bad healing experiences], but he's just warning me about serious predictable problems that come with not doing certain things religiously to my piercing, like cleaning it). He's fucking adorable. Makes me feel so scuzzy by comparison. I want to snuggle him. Grrr. Did I mention he's a cat person!? *heart thuds happily in her chest* I think he'd be cool to know just socially as a friend. I just have a silly infatuation with him, but a genuine appreciation for him as a human being so I could totally be a friend. *groan*

It seems that I always end up seeing him every 2 weeks. First it was Carolyn's piercings, then a few days later mine. Then 2 weeks later he had to put the ball back in my tragus. Then 2 weeks later (today) checking out the was-but-not-anymore- infected helix. He DID recognize me. So that's a good sign. In my mind, he likes me and is just being professional. LOL. In reality, he's probably like... Whoa, who's the strange fat shy socially-awkward chick that keeps coming back here? hehe. but wahhhh!

So I need to plan to see him on Hallowe'en. Hoping for another ear flare-up by then. I want to come down in COSTUME. I wonder if he likes Harley Quinn a la Mad Love! And I wonder if it'd be terribly bad of me to be in-character and give him a big surprise smooch, like Harley's done to Bats a few times. Yeah. I can be his friend. Totally.

The only thing that held me back today from gushing to him about him was that we weren't alone. I actually feel gutsy about telling him how wonderful I think he is. But I'd be sure to make him know I mean it in a general-observation kinda way. That way I'll have successfully baited the hook and dropped the line. If no one bites or nibbles, whatevs. But it's up to him to take the bait if he wants to. But he hasn't shown me preferential treatment. So I don't know what I'm all going on about. Thousands of people must adore him. Who am I? Nobody. Exactly. But I can gush about him in a cutesy matter-of-fact way that won't have him thinking I'm blatantly drooling over him and begging to hump him, y'know?

Gotta phone my piercer (I'm not grr'ing about that; I've been itching for a reason to come by & oggle him...). Hopefully he'll tell me to come in to see him. I promised him I'd likely wind up with an infection, and I think it's here. AND I'VE BEEN TAKING SUCH GOOD CARE OF THE DAMN THING! *sigh* Hopefully, he'll say it isn't a huge deal and will be easy to fix or something. Because it hurts and aches and it's ugly and swollen and scary and I just want it to be niiiice! *whines*

I'm such a fucking baby today. I blame mom. She was cranky from the first second I saw her this morning, and it totally put me in a funk because allll day she was snapping at me. And now my ear.

I just don't get why this one became infected and not the other one. The other one's healing perfectly fine. AMAZINGLY fine. And then this one... grrrrrrrrrrrr. Damn my body for being so fucking over-sensitive!

But I'd love to rekindle my crush on my piercer. Haha!!! Seriously. If only I were his type. And if only he liked me. If only. *sigh* Thinking about him cheered me up tonight. He's such a doll. Being around him makes me feel sooo wonderful, and he's pretty quiet himself so that's impressive --he just exudes a lovely aura that makes me feel warm and fuzzy. I wonder if I can sneak in a hug when I come in to have him check my ear out. I wonder if that's appropriate. There's always the off-chance he'll be offended by that!!! Oh god! And I haven't exactly spent lots of time with him so he's still a stranger! So hug bad? Yet I just feeeeeeel so commmmmmmmfortable around him (rare!). Fucking heartbreaker--- I bet he does this to ALL the girls & boys! hehehe.

Anyway, in 31 minutes it will be Monday: THANKSGIVING. It's gonna suck. I already know. However, I look forward to Wednesday when I get a hair cut 'n colour. It's gonna be soooo fun! I also need to dress-shop because this coming Saturday is Kim's Wedding! Eeee. AND work on my Hallowe'en costume.

Today I watched a little 7 year old on his bike, helmetless, run a stop sign and hit a car. He was fucking LUCKY he was perfectly alright.

Stupid parents, letting their kids do whatever they want. Stupid parents, not formally teaching children how to be good pedestrians & cyclists (because saying "Watch out for cars" while the kids are running our the door with their friends means SHIT to little kids). People: if you're gonna BREED, then take responsibility. Train and raise your children properly. Expect to have to put the effort in, ya lazy dumbasses!

So when the mom came, the little boy says, "Mom, can you hold my schoolbag for me? It's heavy" and she fucking rolled her eyes, and reluctantly took it from him. He's a sweet kid (so far as kids go) and he could've died today, and she rolls her eyes. Even when she came, the poor boy is scared & reaching for her, calling out her name. But she was chit-chatting with others. Me 'n the driver stayed with the boy, but its like she couldn't care less.

And, that poor driver! He was so fortunate that the kid hit the middle of the car and not the front. I've WITNESSED children getting mowed over by a car, and it didn't exactly end happily (missing ears, bodies stuck under tires). And he did nothing wrong. Probably shocked the HELL outta him. *shakes head* Ofcourse suddenly the whole neighbourhood is out asking obnoxious questions. The man was in shock, and I had to keep defending him as people are staring him in the face & saying, "Oh, he hit the boy" and correct them. "NO! The boy hit HIM." Poor guy.

And all because parents are lazy. I -dooo- blame the parents for this one. I am living proof that you can educate children, and teach them how to act responsibly at a young age (way before I turned 7, like this kid). Yes, kids "have their moments" ---I sure did. But my parents made sure that I'd never be the cause of my own death via STUPID accidents. The kids (he was with a friend) were doing about 30 km/h in a 40 km/h zone. So they were FLYING. Didn't slow at their stop sign; didn't NOTICE it. And the driver HAD no stop sign, so he was going 40 km/h. What saved the kid was that he was turning onto the street to head in the same direction as the car, so he wasn't coming full-on against the car. And the boy swerved and braked, and the driver slammed his brakes. But the tire bumped into the car, and gave him a nice bounce.

Yeeeeesh.

I'm so glad my discontinuation symptoms are done. As much as it's brought back how touchy and snarky I can be, it's brought back light into my soul. I'm 10000x the girl I was when I was medicated. And since all the depressing shit is outta my life, it means I'm generally in a really great place.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=AhYd1Uj2f9c ---Sarah & I watched this scene a few times today. It literally makes me bust a gut (gut hurts a lot right now)

Also, my extensions are out. Enjoyed having them in, but it's REAL nice that they're out. Pictures are on Facebook & Myspace. Sooo too lazy to put 'em up again in here. Plus, it MIGHT give people the impression I'm narcissistic. Which I'm not; usually loathe being photographed. Just had a good day, with slightly less good hair, and an even slightly less-good face soooo it's not all bad!

Ugh, I needta do the school thang. I have a 20 minute presentation this Friday.

Saturday: horror photoshoot that I may be a model for

Monday: Thanksgiving

10th: trip to the salon

13th?: Kim's wedding

16th: I turn 21

19th: After Dark film festival begins? Runs till the 20-something-th.

*zombie-walk* (forget the date... may participate in it tho!)

27th: Volunteer as a zombie-greeter for a zombie-themed benefit dance/concert/party downtown for the Ronald McDonald house for children thang.

31st: My b-day & Hallowe'en.

*feels like she's forgetting something*

Also, there's a concert downtown for.... Mono? I think it may even be on my birthday. Thinking of going. :) So like, every 2 days or so, some new wonderful THING happens. See why I can't get a job yet? See why October is the best month? Yaaah!

So school's started. I skipped the first days of my classes last week. Meh.

That "fall feeling" is starting in the air. I love it. However, I've been really shy and shut-in lately. Weird. Got to see Jeck, Victor, Cara & Matt on Saturday, tho, & that was fun.

Pirate Festival was really great. Especially at night in the tavern thingie with the performances and such. FUN time.

I'm not bothering with the film festival.

I really can't wait to take out my extensions. My hair grows way too frickin' fast! BUT I gotta wait 'till Oct. 10.

I HAVE PLANNED MY BIRTHDAY PARTY!!!!! Gonna be a my-21st-plus-Halloween-celebration thing. 31st of Oct. Costumed event. Starts @ my place with movies, music, cake, jackolanter-making, giving candy to kids, then we head to the beaches and prance around on the boardwalk a bit to watch the sun set (dorky, I know, but it's nice down there by the water), go for dinner, then to the Fetish Night halloween party @ Fun Haus. Should be fun. Personally, I am hoping to pull off a Harley Quinn-as-seen-in-"Mad Love" with the red babydoll outfit. Though I may opt for something WARMER, considering how its always so damn cold on Halloween.

And yesterday I contributed to making myself a little bit closer to how I envision myself being 'naturally' --- helix & tragus. I have a total crush on my piercer. I met him on Saturday when my sister got her ears done. He's a total sweety, real cute, intelligent, considerate, nice voice, no ego, soft smile, we've similar music tastes, fascinatingly symmetrical percings & tattoos that created a really neat look to him, good sense of humour. I think he's just so genuinely comfortable around EVERYONE, though, so that 'click' I'm imagining as special is probably just common for him. And I'm likely not his type in SO many ways. Plus I'm way shy.

Annnnnnd so I sulked @ home last night (while watching depressing Buffy episodes) about how I'll likely never see him again (& how badly I want someone to cuddle), and if I did come back for more piercings and/or tattoos, he'd not remember me or have some super cool gf, yadda yadda (he may not even be straight, though... this IS a tat shop in "the village" we're talking about, & he said he felt like he was dressed like a gay cowboy. Not even just a regular cowboy. But gay cowboy. It'd be tragically fitting: I often like gay men)... He'd make an awesome friend, though. But whatevs. I don't wanna be creepy. So this morning, I half-heartedly resolved the issue by deciding to let it gooo. 'Twas prolly nothing, anyway.

Once I am not broke and don't owe my parents tuition money, I have a lovely plan for a Poison Ivy costume involving a custom-made real-corset. Should be a fun-time!

Random blips of information on my life posted on LJ officially finished.